Sunday July 8th

I can’t remember a day that I was so pissed off at life.
20180709_082915
Mad to be out in the middle of nowhere.  Frustrated cause my feet were on fire and toes felt like they were going to fall off.   I was an absolute basket case full of tears, my anxiety, my depression, my self-doubt, all showed up to the party and I could not get out of my own way.

Totally spent, totally challenged, there was nothing I could do – my self mantras were of no help, my songs and conversations with God seemed to get lost in my emotions, tears streamed down my face.   That day I felt like a five year old throwing a temper tantrum and didn’t know why.   I threw my poles down, I sat down and pouted.  Did it help, no!  Did I feel better, NO!    Today was day three, it was truly a mind over matter kind of day and my head was truly pissed off, my body ached all over and both were in total conflict and neither was winning.

20180709_103611

But onward my feet moved me forward, seven plus miles on rock and more rock.  I have always had a cool relationship with rocks, but not today.   My toes were challenged, my ankles pitched left and right and my core which should have been in charge took the day off while I struggled stabilizing myself on the hiking poles.

The knees were not happy campers plus the twenty some old pounds on my back urged me onward.   Up rocks, scrambling on my hands.

20180709_084646

Down on my backside sliding toward some solid surface to catch me from falling off the mountain.   I persevered and there was no road out.   All I wanted was to put my feet in the grass.

The rocks moved and shifted under my feet.   Every step the body moved and sway to stabilize and venture forward.    My angel and trail partner recognized my distress and before I wanted to admit it, found a rock and told me to have a seat.     She was calm and focused and acknowledged my breakdown.   Encouraged food and water and wasn’t fazed by the tears.   The day was still difficult.  The day still kicked my ass.

20180709_085122

But with a full belly and knowing the gazillion calories I burned today.   I could sleep well knowing we all have meltdowns but those individuals that stand by your side and support you are the good ones.

I am forever grateful!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s